Reflecting on 2019.

Oh 2019,  you’ve been a weird one. There’s been some super highs, and some super lows. You always head into a new year thinking you know exactly where your life is heading, and the exact goals you’ll achieve. Let me tell you, sometimes it doesn’t work out that way.

If someone told me at the end of 2018 what my 2019 would look like. I’d probably want to stay stuck in 2018 and press that pause button. However, there’s a little thing called growth, and boy have I had to do a lot of that this year. I feel 2019 even if it has been a pretty bad one, I’ve learnt a lot about myself and a lot about life in general.

What have I learnt?

I’ve learnt I am a heck of a lot stronger than I thought I was and it’s ok to cry as it’s all part of healing. It’s fine to be alone, as being alone can make you find yourself in ways you never thought were possible, as I realised that maybe I was a hard person to be around at times as I was so hard on myself about the little things.

I used to close myself off to people who I was close to as I was scared to talk in case I messed up words due to my stutter and not show my true personality as i didn’t want people judging how weird I can be. I now, do not care about any of those things. I’ve learnt that’s me. It took me a long time to realise that people around me love me for the way I am and not to change for anyone but myself.

People walk out your life and that’s ok. Not everyone is going to stay in your life and if they are only in it for a short while that is ok too. Everyone enters your life and leaves for a reason but there are always lessons learnt when that happens.

Lastly, never to take any of my friends and family for granted. I’ve never leaned more on my friends and family in my life until this year, and not one single person has complained. They’ve dropped plans, went for last minute drives and walks, random midweek drinks, surprise days out,  dinner dates and had sleepovers or invited me over until 12am just so I didn’t feel alone. If that isn’t true love right there, I don’t know what is.

But, I’ve had the best times too..

I met my favourite band Twenty One Pilots and went to gigs with my best friends. I started a job that has pushed me so out my comfort zone that I now believe I can do anything if I put my mind to it. My family and I went to my cousin’s wedding in Estonia. I’ve rekindled with old friends and realised life is too short to fall out over silly things. My little cousin Macy was born who I just can’t get enough of. My favourite band McFly got back together and finally released album 6. I decided to start saving for a mortgage and buy my own place in the new year. I was surprised with a trip pumpkin picking which is what i’ve always wanted to do and I grew even closer to my best friends and 3 of them got engaged and 2 had babies.

So to put 2019 into perspective, its been the toughest year, but also a good one. It’s made me into who I am today, even if I am still finding myself and growing. Life can be tough, but it does get better. I can’t wait to leave this year behind me and start a total fresh in 2020.

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